Top 5 Reasons Not to Be Unequally Yoked with an Unbeliever

1. Uniting with unbelievers is disobedience to God.

Imagine yourself when you become a parent. Would you just let someone who does not even know who God is, take your daughter on a date? Parents who have godly wisdom will oppose to the start of this kind of relationship as early as possible to save their daughters or sons from harm and heartaches.

It is the same way with our Heavenly Father, His protection upon us is much stronger than what our earthly parents can do. That’s why He placed several warnings in the Bible on the dangers of partnership with unbelievers especially in marriage.

I agree with Phylicia Masonheimer on what she wrote in her blog that dating someone who does not share your faith is a big deal. Dating an unbeliever is an act of disobedience with God for He has been giving instructions regarding such since the time of Moses up to the time of Paul.  God had instructed His chosen people, the Israelites, not to make any covenant with the inhabitants of Canaan, especially not to intermarry with them (Deut. 7:1-4) because they will sway the Israelites to leave their faith and practice idolatry.

A believer’s marriage is a major concern of God. He has grace for the unbelievers but when it comes to marital unions, His instruction is unyielding. He wants His chosen people to be undefiled.

2. Intimacy with God is impossible without spiritual unity in marriage.

In Romans 8:7-8, a non-believer’s mind-set that focused on the flesh fights God’s plan and refuses to submit to His directions, because it cannot! For no matter how hard they try, God finds no pleasure with those who are controlled by the flesh. (TPT)

Christian marriage is not just a contract, but it is a covenant between a male and a female in the presence of God. It has unconditional promises that are binding till death of the husband and wife involved. Marriage was initiated by God, as what was known in the covenant He had with His chosen people, the Israelites. Despite of their stubbornness and breaking the covenant (Jeremiah 31:32), God their Spiritual husband had faithfully kept his promises to their forefathers and creates new covenant with them (Jeremiah 31:33).

Marriage with a non-believer does not please God since one member of the union refuses to submit to the authority of God. Although there might be understanding among a believer husband and non-believing wife or vice versa, God cannot bless and use the union for His divine purposes. According to the essay entitled  The Unequal Yoke from StudyJesus.com, the effects of unequal marital yoke abide mainly on our discipleship with Jesus Christ, because our whole character and involvement are thus intensely disturbed. Christianity and worldliness are opposing, equally dissimilar as righteousness and lawlessness, or light and darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). 

Only when the unbelieving wife or unbelieving husband surrenders His life to Jesus Christ, will their marriage be agreeable and intimate to God.

3. There is danger of weakening of faith and walking away from fellowship with God.

God has been very strict to impose upon the Israelites not to intermarry with the sons and daughters of the seven nations of Canaanites (Deuteronomy 7:3-4) for these nations would turn them away from following God to serve other gods. His anger burns towards these nations because of idol worship. His reason for warning the Israelites not to inter-marry the non-believing nations in Canaan is because of His great love for them His chosen few, whom He freed them from slavery of the Egyptians, and because He keeps His oath to their forefathers to bless their nation from generations to thousand generations when they obey His statutes and rules (Deuteronomy 7:8-9).

Later, in Judges 3:5-6, the sons of the Israelites inter-married with the inhabitants of Canaan and were swayed to serve other gods. Even the wisest King Solomon (1 Kings 11), had turned away from loving God to loving foreign women from nations whom God had included in His warnings not to marry. His heart was turned away to serve after other gods and he even built altars to them. The anger of God burned against Solomon that He raised enemies against his kingdom and swore to tear down his kingdom from him and out of the hands of his son.

As mentioned previously that marriage with an unbeliever affects their discipleship in Christ, it will also affect the discipleship of their offspring. Children may be hindered from knowing Christ when one unbelieving parent does not allow them to read the Bible or go to Christian church.

4. It can cause physical defilement and spiritual unholiness.

David is known as the man after God’s heart for he had kept his loyalty to God by serving Him only. Yet his son Solomon was described in 1 Kings 11:4 as one whose heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, unlike his father David.

By choosing to disobey God’s instructions and loving his foreign women more, King Solomon had compromised his faith. He committed idolatry by building altars of worship and sacrifice for Chemosh and Molech, the foreign gods of his Moabite and Ammonite wives. At times human sacrifice was dedicated to Chemosh or Molech. He became unholy before God. And God detests what he did, and His anger burned against King Solomon.

Although not all unbelievers have foreign gods, some may not even believe in a god, it is common for a Christian unequally yoked with an unbeliever to tolerate actions and lifestyles of unbelieving husband or wife that do not give glory to God. Bad company ruins good morals (1 Corinthians 15:33). If something we do does not glorify God, then who else does it give glory to? Anything other than God becomes the idol.

Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). Instead of fulfilling our body’s youthful passions we are to pursue righteousness (2 Timothy 2:22). Yet, when believers have allowed dating with unbelievers (who has no fear of God), they might be lured into committing casual acts of pleasures prior to marriage which will defile their body and spiritual purity.

5. It leads to spiritual unfruitfulness in a marriage.

I have seen Christian singles that were really on-fire for the Lord; they were church leaders, pastor’s daughters or sons, really active for the works of God’s kingdom. Yet when they compromised their Christian faith and married a non-believer, they have stopped attending church, gave up the leadership positions and quit serving God. It’s such a loss for the body of Christ when this takes place.

There are some Christians married to non-believers that continued serving the Lord, not as a family but as single spiritual parent that still desires to raise the children in a Christian way. This is a difficult situation that often leads to domestic quarrels among Christian husbands and unbeliever wives or vice versa.

However, there is hope through the grace of God for the believer. 1 Corinthians 7:13-14 mentions that an unbelieving wife or husband will be made holy by the believing spouse. In other words, the righteous conduct of the believers will be a light that will be able to win their unbeliever spouse to Christ.

Some might argue that God has given us free will to choose our spouse, but I tell you that our wisdom is futile apart from the wisdom of the Word of God. Remember that even the wisest King Solomon on earth fueled the anger of God by his disobedience to God’s instruction not to marry from among the non-believers of Canaanite nations. Let us not also be so confident that we can save the non-believer spouse. In 1 Cor. 7:16, we could not be sure that a believing husband or wife can save their non-believer spouse. It is only by the grace of God.

Should we then avoid the non-believers? Not at all, rather we should be salt and light to them (Matthew 5:13-16. However, our motive towards them is to share the gift of salvation from Jesus Christ and not for whatever benefit that could be gained from the relationship.