Enter into God's Rest: Advice for Single Christians Above 30s

Many singles like us who are in our 30s are still longing to find our spouse and starting our family. When we see our younger friends at church starting their family, having kids, and more kids we could not avoid questioning God the why’s and when’s about our life partners. We occasionally feel alone and isolated at times when our invitations for get-togethers are returned with apologies because our friends are busy taking care of their family.

I had not felt the intense pressure that most singles sense in their late 30s because my singleness was packed with adventures, travels, gatherings with the Christian circle and volunteering at local church that. However, there are days that I question myself if this is just what I wanted in my life and if I am missing the fulfillment that marriage can offer.  Is my single life significant like the married ones who raise their children? For years, I go through the mundane of living and looking after myself. I had difficult moments contending with worrisome thoughts about the future of being alone. 

Just like any Christian single, I intentionally joined single’s gatherings in hopes to find a prospect for marriage. But this is what I usually find out: the single male attendees are mostly younger than I am.  I get used to these single’s gatherings and I have been accustomed to form friendship and brotherhood with the younger men at our church.  Then as years passed, more and more friends treated me like their elder sister.  They ask me for advice and prayers.  I discovered the gifts that God gracefully provided in each season of my life.  I personally experienced the chastising love of God and His unfailing presence when no friends and family are available.  The more I knew God personally, the more I realized that my desire to find the right guy while in my 30s is not urgent because Jesus is my top priority.  I have found my importance in the body of Christ.  I let go of controlling the timing of essential events in my life like marriage.  According to the will of God, the marriage I am waiting will happen, so I need not worry.

My restfulness and trust in God that He has good plans for my life such as marriage (even if I’m about to say adieu to my 30s) did not come easily.  I went through long wilderness season and finally a prodigal daughter’s reunion with her Father.  I finally surrendered my will to God and ceased from asking the why’s and when’s.  The word of God in Isaiah 61:3 “a crown of beauty instead of ashes” is dear to my heart for it is what God has turned me into.

I’d like to share some advice for Christian singles above 30s based on my experience with my walk with Jesus Christ and how I have found rest in Him while waiting.

1) Find your purpose in the body of Christ.

1Corinthians 12:27-28 has mentioned that we are members of the body of Christ and God has appointed several roles and giftings for the purpose of serving His true church.  I have discovered my purpose and calling to intercede for the His people and church at the age of 31.  My singleness has been an advantage since I have fewer external obligations and more time for prayer than if I were married. Do not waste your singleness but grow your value in the Kingdom of God.

Oftentimes, Christian singles at their later age found their spouse while serving on the same ministry for the body of Christ. Refer to the Story: Marrying Later in Life by Shana Schutte to find out a fascinating story of Joel Vaughan on how he met his wife Kellie and got married beyond their 30s.

2) Invest in your personal and spiritual development. 

One of the perks of being single is that you are able to financially support for your higher education or learning new skills, so keep increasing your value by learning.  Find out a new interest or share your talents to the younger generations, they need nurturing from such people like you. However, we should also consider our spiritual maturity as part of our personal improvement by the renewing of our minds with the teachings of Jesus Christ (Ephesians 4:17-23) and putting on of new self, created in the likeness of God in righteousness and holiness.

3) Make friendships with Christian women and men of all ages.

Our walk as Christians is not as a sole traveler.  We need our brothers and sisters in Christ to help us succeed and keep standing firm in righteousness. Proverbs 19:20 admonishes that we listen to advise and accept discipline to be wise. Our trusted Christian friends who walk in obedience to God are good advisers and accountability partners. I advise to try to find one if you are single.

Jesus Christ presented the example of a true friend (John 15:12-15), He makes known to us that which He has learned from His Father.  Similarly, our friends ought to also share with us their learnings by walking with Christ.

4) Be a giver to God, your family and friends.

In Proverbs 11:25 NIV, a generous person will prosper, whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.  Giving back to God a portion for whatever we have earned and supporting His works is emotionally and spiritually fulfilling.  God tells us to test our giving to His house in Malachi 3:10 if He will not bless abundantly.

Mostly, singles are privileged with more time and material possessions.  I find my singleness a great opportunity to help my family, especially my married siblings and friends.  It is also a chance to give back to our parents by taking care of them for the sacrifices and support they selflessly gave to us.

5) Never settle for anything less.

Temptations are common to anyone, and Christian singles are usually enticed to marry what is available even if it’s the wrong person, just so they will not remain single.  We have heard several stories of these kinds of marriages that are not blissful and did not bring glory to God. A relationship with an ungodly person or non-believer can lead to sin and will not always bring fulfillment (2 Corinthians 6:14-18).

6)  Do not depart from God’s word.

Christian singles are targets for the enemy.  We see in our society now that the moral values that God has taught us through His word is constantly being opposed and broken to give way to rebellion and perversions.  The way that we single Christians can maintain our purity and not be contaminated by immorality is by guarding our lifestyle with God’s word (Psalm 119:9-11). 

But you might ask, what if we have allowed the world to steal our purity and have sinned, is there no remedy? By God’s grace, there is a way to be pure again through Jesus Christ. 1 John 1:9 offers a way to be cleanse from unrighteousness through confession of our sins to God. When King David realized his sins of adultery and murder, he asked God to create a clean heart and renew a right spirit in him (Psalm 51:10) for which God through His mercy has granted to David.

I hope that you would also gracefully find your rest in God all through your singleness and waiting for your godly partner. I invite you to say this prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am tired of moving around the wilderness in finding my godly partner.  Forgive me Lord for chasing after the wrong persons and for looking for my value from things and relationships. I ask you Lord to give me rest as I surrender my desire for marriage into Your divine will.  Help me to see my value in You and help me to live my single life to the fulness and for Your glory.  Thank you for your unfailing love for me. Amen in Jesus Christ.

You may find our website helpful to encounter Christian friends around the world and meet your godly partner.  Visit and create your profile today at www.heavenlyunions.com.