Reconsider Your Lifestyle For Better Sex
The Generous Husband
Most of my posts this week have asked you to reconsider your lifestyle. Today I want to ask you to do that with sex in mind.
The reality is many of us have a lifestyle that is not compatible with the sex life we’d like to have. For a woman, good sex requires time and energy. It also requires not being too stressed and having spent some non-sexual time with her guy since they last had sex.
One study found that the average sexual frequency for married couples dropped by sixteen percent between 1989 and 2010 (from 67 times a year 56). And it’s gotten worse since then. Sorting out why that is happening is difficult, but I think “lifestyle” covers much of it. Some of that is simple things like not going to bed together or rarely eating dinner together. It could also be fun things you both enjoy that leave her without enough time or energy to want and enjoy sex.
I think another factor is that we often see sex as something separate, rather than a part of our lives as a whole. For example, we don’t consider how accepting multiple invitations the same week will affect sex that week. Sex doesn’t just happen, it requires effort. And the rest of our life can make it easier or far more difficult.
If you want more sex, then the question is what is limiting your sex life now. Saying, “My wife says no” is an easy answer, but it doesn’t really help. Why is she saying no? Is she just not into sex or has your lifestyle made sex less enjoyable, more difficult to do, or just not worth the effort?
If you want to tackle this, then try saying something like the following to your wife. “If everything were on the table, what would have to change for us to have sex more often?” If you can convince her everything is negotiable, you might find an answer. But is it an answer you’re willing to use?
Unless you live on a deserted island and have everything you need at your fingertips, sex is not going to “just happen”. What’s more, the rest of your life, including your lifestyle choices, will affect your sex life.
A post worth reading:
Dr. Corey | Reconsidering our position ◄ “Reconsidering is not automatically rejecting it, but it’s not a blind acceptance either.” EXACTLY!
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