Men, Aging, Sex Drive and Function
The Generous Wife
(I received a question through my contact form and the writer didn’t give a working email, so I’m doing a general response here (I figure it’s good info for everyone). “V” – if this doesn’t take care of your question, please contact me again.)
Guys run on testosterone. Around the age of twenty testosterone levels begin to slowly decline. Most men will start to see some sex drive and sexual function changes starting in their mid-forties (this is an individual thing, so take this as a very general guideline).
What it generally means is that their sex drive begins to calm down and they may need a bit more foreplay before having sex. This is all very normal.
That said, it can be embarrassing or scary to not function the way you always have. There is the fear that you are somehow less manly or there may be something wrong with you. (If there is a sudden inability to get an erection, get to a doctor ASAP. That is a serious health warning.)
The best thing to do is just to acknowledge that your bodies are changing and get creative about making sex work. Maybe talk to your sweetie about how you are changing and ask for something that might make sex better for you and let your husband know that you want to keep sex good for him too. Make aging and sexual changes normal by being understanding and calm about the issue.
If he’s still not willing to talk about it much or it’s been a while since you’ve had sex and you suspect he’s beginning to avoid sex, I would try initiating sex in the morning (testosterone levels are higher then) and give him plenty of foreplay as a part of lovemaking. If he is willing, then you have an open door to talk about it more later.
If he’s still reticent about sex, then ask him to listen while you talk. Let him know you’re concerned and you miss the intimacy that comes with sex. Ask him to help you make intimacy, of all kinds, something you enjoy all your lives.
Here is an article from The XY Code that shares more specifically about what I’ve said and discusses solutions to common problems – Penis Problems.
And, as always, it’s helpful for both of you to have annual checkups, eat healthy, exercise, etc. and get professional help as needed for physical or emotional issues.
Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be.
Robert Browning
Prayer Prompt: Ask God to help you and your husband face and deal with aging issues in a graceful manner.Awaken Love: Sex is God’s Domain You and your friends could take the video class as a group. Amazing resource!Shaunti Feldhahn: 3 Ways Fictional Marriages can Sabotage Real Ones – and How to Get it Right Avoid fictional expectations and love your real spouse.
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