Is Your Personality Hardwired?
The Generous Husband
This is another post on how we filter what our wive say and do. The best current science says there’s a strong genetic component to our personality. This is then shaped somewhat by our culture. For example, what is expected of or accepted from an extrovert in one culture is different than in another culture.
There is some wiggle room and our personality will change somewhat with experience and age. If we move from one culture to another our personality may shift because we either feel freer or more restricted. We can also choose to be different from our personality, such as my wife learning to be a social introvert. But doing this always comes at a cost, so we need to understand that and find ways to “recover” from pushing outside of our personality.
We filter what we hear and experience through our personality, and because our personality is fairly set, we can’t do too much about that. We can choose to not go with what our personality would have us do, but that is difficult and costly. Wanting your wife to go against her personality is a huge ask. Don’t do it if you can avoid it and don’t do it often. If she asks you to go against your personality, think long hard about it. Is there another solution? Or is it a time when you should pay the price of pushing against your hard-wired nature?
The following is one common list of personality traits. Don’t try to make something not on this list a matter of personality to justify not dealing with it. The list looks black and white, but each is a continuum. Moving a little either way on the continuum is fairly easy. Trying to be the opposite of what you are is impossible.
Openness to experience (inventive and curious vs. consistent and cautious)
Conscientiousness (efficient and organized vs. extravagant and careless)
Extraversion (outgoing and energetic vs. solitary and reserved)
Agreeableness (friendly and compassionate vs. critical and rational)
Neuroticism (sensitive and nervous vs. resilient and confident)
A post worth reading:
Knowing Her Sexually | Episode 53: How Can I Get My Wife to Go to Therapy? ◄ Some great ideas from women about getting your wife to go for help.
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