How Should Christians Behave on Online Dating Sites
As a Christian who surrendered his/her life to God, our everyday decisions have to conform with the will of God. Whether we are called to a season of singleness or to marriage, it is God that knows the right time and Him that places the right person in our life.
Even online Christian dating is to be consulted with the will of God and handled without bargaining Christian values and morals. It should be treated with the intention that leads to a God-honoring, lasting and loving marriage covenant and not like any spur-of-the-moment social media connections.
We are to act like true Christians in a dating platform that offers freedom of speech, expression, belief, and choices. So, how do we behave?
1) Guard and monitor your heart.
Romantic online dating is a promising pursuit that may lead to a mutual relationship, a lasting marriage, a family, and generations. The internet has opened millions of choices of attractive female and male singles internationally that are willing to start a dating connection.
“Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life”. Proverbs 4:23
King Solomon identifies the heart as the source of everything that could give either life or death. If our heart desires for things that glorify God in our relationships with people, then we have life, but seeking things which are carnal in nature to satisfy the flesh and soul may eventually choke the life (spirit) out of us. Chasing a relationship with wrong intentions and expectations may end-up with a broken bond and a broken heart. Spending more time nurturing your dating relationship above your fellowship with God is also a form of idolatry.
How can we guard and monitor our heart in a situation where physical attraction, ego (self-admiration), and self-pride (self-satisfaction) is at play while dating online?
One way is to begin your relationship in faith. It means asking God for the true godly partner and surrendering to His leading. Carnal daters depend on outward appearance, financial status, or personal achievements to show-off and attract their future spouse. But it should not be the case for a Christian led by God. God knows His plans for you and has predestined your life partner. Let God’s words lead you to decide what kind of person to date and if they have godly character that validates your attraction.
Second way is to build accountability. Have a trusted Christian brother(s) or sister(s) whom you can share the progress of your online dating relationship. They may also give you great advice that can save you from a broken heart.
Lastly, please dress modestly yet rightly attractive. Don’t cause the other person to sin by your revealing get-up.
2) Be an honest and smart dater.
If you’re dating online, don’t fake it till you make it. You don’t have to brag about your resources to attract the other partner. Consider that you are dating with an intention to be united in marriage.
Anything you disclose about yourself that isn’t true will still be discovered by your spouse later, so it’s better to be honest now.
Take time to know your online date and be smart not to share your personal information in a rush as if you trust them completely. Not every dater in an online dating site is a good person, there are still some that are bad guys. So be careful. Do not share information that they may use to take advantage of you (i.e., social security number, bank accounts, passwords, etc.)
3) Don’t compromise your Christian virtues and morals.
You don’t have to change or lower your Christian standards just to please your online date. For example, if he/she speaks in foul language or curses, think twice if you’d still want to hear that language in your future home. If your date has some bargains in his/her Christian life that disturbs your morals, then don’t be trapped into that relationship. Just politely exit.
Before forming deeper relationship with a person online, remember that we cannot change a person only God can. Their personality is made up of years of experiences, influences, and upbringing. It’s either you take them as they are or choose to give up the relationship while you can.
4) Instill the right desires.
Going for online dating means that you are determined to find your marriage partner. It’s not a casual affiliation to cure some heartaches for the time being and leave the person later. You don’t want to feel betrayed and used by someone, so respect other people’s sincerity which they invested in having conversations and date with you.
5) Let the men lead the relationship.
So, who should initiate the dating relationship?
I believe that after asking God to confirm His will with regards to the woman to date, a man has to initiate the intention to the woman. Although men and women are spiritually equal in the eyes of God, He assigned roles for them in a Christian household (refer to Ephesians 5). Husband (man) is to be the head of the wife (woman). Likewise, in starting the relationship it is wise to adapt such role assignment to be prepared in the future marriage.
If you’re a woman, waiting will save you from many disappointments and heartaches, from being exploited, and from controlling the relationship. Please don’t take the risk of rejection. Even if you find a guy that fits your godly choice, pray to God for His will to lead this man to you and let the courageous Christian man seek you out in faith.
