Christian Single: How to Respond with Grace When Asked Why You’re Not Yet Married

It’s been a while since I stayed in my hometown for more than a year. Almost everyone from my childhood have grown older and younger generations have thriven. It’s good to catch up with the neighbors and recollect the past. However, I dreaded the most that part of the conversation that brings out the probing question regarding my marital status. “Are you married now?  Why aren’t you married yet?” Every time that tone and questioning come up, I feel very uncomfortable. Not everyone could understand how it feels to still be single when virtually everyone of your childhood friends already got married and have children. I always keep my answer short and direct, “Not yet.”

I get several reactions from each one that probes the same question about my matrimonial status. One would say “Unfortunately, you didn’t really get married.” or another would criticize me for being too picky with men or being too focused with my profession. Some others would say that I have to marry soon because of the biological clock. Most Christian elders would give encouragement that there’s still someone out there for me. I don’t appreciate anymore when invited at a relative’s wedding now that I’m late in my 30s. I just want to avoid the awkward moment of being singled-out by aunts and uncles and questioned personally if I have marriage plans.

I think a lot of singles, especially women have been in my shoes and been troubled a great deal by their singleness. Although singles try to keep their lives private and think that they are normal, married people, especially the older ones would still inquire about their single niece and nephew’s personal lives.  Sometimes, caught off guard it’s easy to be impolite and respond grumpily, even if you’re a Christian single.

So, here’s a few things that could help you comfortably deal with questions like: “why aren’t you married yet?” “When will you get married?” or “Aren’t you interested in settling down and starting a family?”

Say the truth, there’s nothing to be ashamed of still being single. If you’re not at ease answering the question, then you may courteously tell them that you’re not yet ready for marriage and request them not to ask marital related questions for now. There are many reasons why people remain single. It might have been caused by a recent break-up that’s still painful to talk about. Or it may be because you really haven’t found someone you’ve been praying for to marry. If people like your relatives really care about you, then they would understand.

If asked why you’re not married yet, you may say that you will in God’s time.

By saying this you leave the interest in marriage open and if the person who asks is a Christian, then he/she could help pray for you to find your godly spouse.  “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand (Proverbs 19:21).”

As Christians, we are subject to God’s sovereign will. Even though it is within our plans to get married by such age, if God’s plan does not include it, then we can do nothing about it. All we have to do is to wait upon the Lord and continue to obey Him.

Tell them what’s interesting in your life as a Christian single.

Not everyone who asks you about your lingering singleness understands that there are many things a single can do more than a married person. Some think that singleness is synonymous to loneliness and singles just waste their time. Tell them about your latest mission trips, your volunteer experience at church, or your latest discovery about yourself such as a new skill learned.

Don’t take this questioning why you’re still single as a negative probing. It’s an opportunity to testify about the faithfulness of God in your life as you serve Him in your singlehood. It’s a time to show your joy in the Lord for the gift (1 Corinthians 7:7) of singleness season.

Fellow Christian singles don’t be distressed, anxious, or fearful about staying single. You are as much important to God as the married person. Keep hopeful that God will lead the prayerful and godly partner into your life. Always show grace when talking to people who wants to know about why you’re still single.

May the Lord, bless your singleness season abundantly with his faithfulness and satisfying love.